5 Ways To Stop Settling For Less Than You Deserve
If you’re feeling underappreciated in any area of your life, first note that you are not alone. This insidious sense of being undervalued can undermine our self-esteem and drive negative self-talk. Although this may sound like a gloomy picture, the second thing we need to make clear is that this is something we can all turn around with the right insights and support.
You’ll find lots of talk around this lack of self-worth or settling for less as a result in connection to careers. And with good reason, as this approach can impact everything from our opportunity to learn to job satisfaction, let alone the way we feel about ourselves. But settling for less is a kind of behaviour that can seep into all areas of our lives, from our relationships to our wider ambitions. By recognising this, finding the root cause and applying the right tools, we can realign our lives for the better.
Warning signs that you’re settling for less
If you’re wondering if you’re settling for less, you may spot it from the kinds of conversations you have with yourself and others, to the way you feel on a physical and emotional level. Just put your hand up if you’re:
Engaging in negative self-talk – such as, “this is all I deserve,” or, “I’m not strong enough to make a real change.” The list of examples goes on here, but if you think from the perspective of speaking with a friend, if you hear them engaging in negative self-talk, you’d probably correct them. Be as vigilant as yourself and identify and note them.
Making the best of a bad situation – there’s nothing wrong with positivity, but if you’re crossing the line between that and avoiding any risk or change, you could be limiting yourself. Inspirational speaker Iyanla Vanzant talks about this as a “better the devil you know” approach, begging the question, why put up with a devil?
Beating yourself up for being ungrateful – again, feeling gratitude for the good things in your life and taking time to reflect on this is a powerful positive. There’s a difference between this and beating yourself up for feeling unhappy about elements of your life. If you know something is leaving you unfulfilled, there’s nothing wrong about wanting to change that, so never engage in self-anger in the wake of that knowledge.
A deep sense of being underappreciated – this can be within your relationships, friendships, career or any other area of your life. Often, we find that some parts of our life are going swimmingly, yet one element is holding us back. If you take the time to look at the important areas of your life, you may discover that just one of those is driving a sense of underappreciation that you can work on to feel better all-round.
Feeling stressed or burnt-out – according to recent studies, stress affects 74% of us in the UK. It can be attributed to work, home, money or any other number of things. It’s essential to recognise the symptoms of stress to identify it in the first place. These include feeling overwhelmed, tired, irritable, anxious and a lack of self-confidence. Know that you’re not alone in this and that there are ways to tackle stress.
If any of these signs look familiar, you may be settling for less in your life. This is a seismic first step to readdressing this balance. Here are five ways to start your journey to self-fulfilment.
Be truthful about what you want
Writing down what you want is a powerful way to unlock your true feelings and motivations. The biggest tip here is to free yourself from limitations while doing this exercise. Forget about being balanced or practical just for a moment, and jot do exactly what you crave in your life. You can double back to explore the possibilities from a realist perspective at a later date.
Be balanced about your current situation
Remember that “making the best of a bad situation” scenario above? This one directly addresses this. Rather than putting your current situation down to something being wrong with you, think about your circumstances from a balanced perspective. Approaching this as you would talking to a friend rather than yourself can help, as it often brings out a kinder, more supportive voice. During this exercise, you can start to balance out limiting self-beliefs and pinpoint what needs to be worked on.
Set your boundaries
By visualising and knowing our limits, we can feel self-assured in the action we take. It’s not as easy as jumping right in with this exercise, but don’t be daunted. We can all learn how to place limits within our relationships and interactions to safeguard our self-esteem and sense of happiness. First, be honest about whether you have firm boundaries with people. You may be surprised to see where these fall down. Then you can start to work on politely drawing the line, using tools like these.
Create a plan for success
As with any change in life, a roadmap will help you both visualise and realise successful outcomes. If you’ve looked at our earlier steps above, you have already started to identify the problem areas in your life and think about what you want instead. From here you can work on solutions for each problem and a system of tackling them. Remember, this isn’t a race to the finish, so working through things gradually is fine.
Reach out for help if you need it
The right support network can make all the difference when we shift our perspectives and change our world. This can come from family, friends, a partner, a therapist or a mindset coach like me. The important thing is finding someone who can infuse you with positivity, be truly supportive, and really listen to you. Be sure to remain honest about whether you are getting that level of support or not, and always remember, you deserve nothing less.